Our Doll

I know this blog is becoming a shrine to Mia and you'd hardly know we had any other children, but I couldn't resist posting this photo. At two months she's starting to fatten up. She also loves to smile and study everything in her line of sight. She spends more time awake and ofcourse she loves to be held, walked around, and talked to. She has also discovered her voice and loves to coo at us and vocalize while she's nursing.

Yesterday Mia was long overdue for a bath. I asked Jolie to go upstairs and get the bathtub, a towel, washcloth and a clean outfit to put on her. After being gone for what seemed like a long time, Jolie came down with all the bathing essentials and the most impressive assortment of baby clothing you can imagine. She had a dress from Mia's closet which we've never put on her (mostly because we've never taken her anywhere), a onesie, some velvety shoes, a headband, and a pair of frilly socks. Dan and I looked at each other and told Jolie we were thinking more like jammies. I promised Jolie that someday she and I would dress Mia to the nines, but for now a nice pair of comfortable PJs would do.

Scalpel, please...

Well, I'm scheduled to have surgery on Thursday. I never thought I'd actually look forward to being sliced open but I am. The mylogram showed a pretty bad herniation of my disk at L5 S1 (what did I tell you?) which explains the horrid pain. I basically have disk fragments and inflamation sitting on my sciatic nerve. I talked to a woman from church who's had the same injury and the same surgery and she compares the pain to what you get when you bump your funny bone and get that sharp, almost electric nerve pain in your arm. Well, that's what this is except is starts at the lower back and goes all the way down the back of my butt and leg all the way to my pinky toe. All the time. It's horrid. So you can see why I'd do anything, including being sliced open, to have it end.

I was going to try to report some news off this subject but I can't think of any. This is pretty much our life right now. I'm going to get out and party big time when it's over. I never thought that something simple like running an errand or going for a walk would seem like such a privilege. I can't wait to get back to my normal life.

Starting to Thaw

The sun has been out the last couple of days. We haven't had snow for a whole 6 days! I took this photo a couple of weeks ago to show how much snow we had. I haven't been outside for a while but I think it's starting to melt off.

I had the mylograph and CT on Wednesday. It wasn't pleasant but I got through it. They had me lie face-down on a table while a radiologist guided a needle into my spine. They injected contrast (dye) into my spinal fluid so that the structures would show up better on the CT.

The worst part of the whole deal was that I had to lie flat for the rest of the day because there's a good chance of getting a spinal headache after people mess with your spinal fluid. I hadn't counted on this, as Tristan's drama performance was that evening. I wasn't sure how I was going to go as I've been house-bound since my injury, but I was determined to go and at least see his number. It was a really big deal to him. It was very dissapointing to have to stay home. Mia and I layed on the family room floor while everyone else went to the performance. Fun, fun.

Tristan didn't give me a hard time when I told him I couldn't come, but I happened to see his journal entry he next day. His teacher must have asked the class to journal how they felt about their performance. He wrote, "I felt good because we did a good job. My grandparents said 'good job!'. I felt sad because my mom couldn't come." It broke my heart when I read that.

Mia's Smiles

I'm going in for a mylegram and CT on my spine today. They'll inject dye into my spine and then do a cat scan to see what's going on. I wish they'd just take my word for it... that I've ruptured my disk (L5 S1). I'm not looking forward to another catheter in my back but I'll do whatever it takes at this point.

These photos are of Mia's recent smiles. She's very happy and that's the one thing that's getting me through this. At least I know that all the pain and suffering was for a good reason.

Blessing Day

Today was Mia's blessing day. It was a very special day and an especially bright spot after a couple of difficult weeks for me. Dan blessed Mia in our home. Brother Brown from our bishoprick was here as well as my family. Mia looked angelic in the beautiful dress that my mom made for Jolie six years ago. It was a little big, though. I think that Mia is probably about the same size at 7 weeks as Jolie was at birth (nearly 10 lbs.)

Laid Up

I'm afraid I'm writing from bed this morning. I brought my laptop in here several days ago after I did something horrid to my back. I had back surgery a couple years ago and I'm sorry to say that my symptoms resemble what I was experiencing back then. I'm pretty sure I've re-ruptured the disk. As with most other things, only someone who's been through it can truly understand the horrid pain I've been in the last week and a half.

The good news is that I've been seeing some improvement through a combination of rest, anti-inflamatories, narcotic pain killers and physical therapy. I was amazed to find out that I can still nurse Mia on these drugs. That's a huge blessing because I don't know if I could make it without them and I would have been VERY sad if I'd had to stop nursing her at only 6 weeks old.

I'v gotten to where I can cope here at home but I'm not really able to go anywhere because I'm not able to drive. Sitting causes excruciating pain. The only time I've been out of the house in the last ten days is for physical therapy and I've had to be driven by someone, plus someone to look after the kids while I'm gone so it's quite an undertaking.

I think HF is trying to teach me patience and empathy. I never thought I'd have to go through something like this again. Did I not learn the lesson the first time around?