An Update

Tomorrow will be one week since my surgery and things are going well. I'm slowly getting my life back. I'm still not back to normal but at least my entire existance isn't consumed with pain management. I have my incision and some residual pain from the compressed nerve but I'm told that will eventually go away. I have to abide by some restrictions over the next 6-8 weeks, mainly no lifting over 10 lbs. I'm also not supposed to sit for more than 10 minutes at a time but I'm finding that to be easy with four kids to take care of.

The main challenge now is taking care of Mia. She's about 11 lbs. so I'm ok carrying her. I can't bend over to lift her from her crib or swing or go from sitting to standing with her. It's a little tricky but we've found some ways to work around my restrictions. The hardest thing is that I'm still not able to go anywhere with the kids because I can't lift Mia in her carseat. That's keeping me close to home and it makes driving Tristan's carpool impossible unless someone is here to leave Mia with.

Yesterday I drove for the first time in almost 6 weeks! It was surreal. It reminded me of when I returned home after spending several weeks in Europe. Everything seemed new. I'd forgotten the presets on my stereo, the DJ on my favorite radio station seemed like a long lost friend. I felt like a tourist as I drove through Kaysville. Really, it was weird. The strangest part was the realization that the outside world was exactly the same but that I had changed. Who could have known that a trip to Albertsons could cause such an epiphany?

Finally, I need to let everyone know that I am, in fact, at home and not in a Utah County rehab facility with Lindsay Lohan and Kirsten Dunst. I know there were many among my friends and family who were concerned that my heavy reliance on oxycontin would lead me there. At least MOST of them were subtle in their concern and didn't actually ask me outright how many pills I had taken that day... and then call me the next day and ask the same question. No, I'm not making this up. I have been thinking, though, since my medical bills have already started rolling in... I could probably sell my remaining oxycontin on the street and pay a lot of my medical bills. Would that make me a bad person?

Our Doll

I know this blog is becoming a shrine to Mia and you'd hardly know we had any other children, but I couldn't resist posting this photo. At two months she's starting to fatten up. She also loves to smile and study everything in her line of sight. She spends more time awake and ofcourse she loves to be held, walked around, and talked to. She has also discovered her voice and loves to coo at us and vocalize while she's nursing.

Yesterday Mia was long overdue for a bath. I asked Jolie to go upstairs and get the bathtub, a towel, washcloth and a clean outfit to put on her. After being gone for what seemed like a long time, Jolie came down with all the bathing essentials and the most impressive assortment of baby clothing you can imagine. She had a dress from Mia's closet which we've never put on her (mostly because we've never taken her anywhere), a onesie, some velvety shoes, a headband, and a pair of frilly socks. Dan and I looked at each other and told Jolie we were thinking more like jammies. I promised Jolie that someday she and I would dress Mia to the nines, but for now a nice pair of comfortable PJs would do.

Scalpel, please...

Well, I'm scheduled to have surgery on Thursday. I never thought I'd actually look forward to being sliced open but I am. The mylogram showed a pretty bad herniation of my disk at L5 S1 (what did I tell you?) which explains the horrid pain. I basically have disk fragments and inflamation sitting on my sciatic nerve. I talked to a woman from church who's had the same injury and the same surgery and she compares the pain to what you get when you bump your funny bone and get that sharp, almost electric nerve pain in your arm. Well, that's what this is except is starts at the lower back and goes all the way down the back of my butt and leg all the way to my pinky toe. All the time. It's horrid. So you can see why I'd do anything, including being sliced open, to have it end.

I was going to try to report some news off this subject but I can't think of any. This is pretty much our life right now. I'm going to get out and party big time when it's over. I never thought that something simple like running an errand or going for a walk would seem like such a privilege. I can't wait to get back to my normal life.

Starting to Thaw

The sun has been out the last couple of days. We haven't had snow for a whole 6 days! I took this photo a couple of weeks ago to show how much snow we had. I haven't been outside for a while but I think it's starting to melt off.

I had the mylograph and CT on Wednesday. It wasn't pleasant but I got through it. They had me lie face-down on a table while a radiologist guided a needle into my spine. They injected contrast (dye) into my spinal fluid so that the structures would show up better on the CT.

The worst part of the whole deal was that I had to lie flat for the rest of the day because there's a good chance of getting a spinal headache after people mess with your spinal fluid. I hadn't counted on this, as Tristan's drama performance was that evening. I wasn't sure how I was going to go as I've been house-bound since my injury, but I was determined to go and at least see his number. It was a really big deal to him. It was very dissapointing to have to stay home. Mia and I layed on the family room floor while everyone else went to the performance. Fun, fun.

Tristan didn't give me a hard time when I told him I couldn't come, but I happened to see his journal entry he next day. His teacher must have asked the class to journal how they felt about their performance. He wrote, "I felt good because we did a good job. My grandparents said 'good job!'. I felt sad because my mom couldn't come." It broke my heart when I read that.

Mia's Smiles

I'm going in for a mylegram and CT on my spine today. They'll inject dye into my spine and then do a cat scan to see what's going on. I wish they'd just take my word for it... that I've ruptured my disk (L5 S1). I'm not looking forward to another catheter in my back but I'll do whatever it takes at this point.

These photos are of Mia's recent smiles. She's very happy and that's the one thing that's getting me through this. At least I know that all the pain and suffering was for a good reason.

Blessing Day

Today was Mia's blessing day. It was a very special day and an especially bright spot after a couple of difficult weeks for me. Dan blessed Mia in our home. Brother Brown from our bishoprick was here as well as my family. Mia looked angelic in the beautiful dress that my mom made for Jolie six years ago. It was a little big, though. I think that Mia is probably about the same size at 7 weeks as Jolie was at birth (nearly 10 lbs.)

Laid Up

I'm afraid I'm writing from bed this morning. I brought my laptop in here several days ago after I did something horrid to my back. I had back surgery a couple years ago and I'm sorry to say that my symptoms resemble what I was experiencing back then. I'm pretty sure I've re-ruptured the disk. As with most other things, only someone who's been through it can truly understand the horrid pain I've been in the last week and a half.

The good news is that I've been seeing some improvement through a combination of rest, anti-inflamatories, narcotic pain killers and physical therapy. I was amazed to find out that I can still nurse Mia on these drugs. That's a huge blessing because I don't know if I could make it without them and I would have been VERY sad if I'd had to stop nursing her at only 6 weeks old.

I'v gotten to where I can cope here at home but I'm not really able to go anywhere because I'm not able to drive. Sitting causes excruciating pain. The only time I've been out of the house in the last ten days is for physical therapy and I've had to be driven by someone, plus someone to look after the kids while I'm gone so it's quite an undertaking.

I think HF is trying to teach me patience and empathy. I never thought I'd have to go through something like this again. Did I not learn the lesson the first time around?

So Much Snow

We're in the middle of another humongo snow storm. It's already dumped about 14" at our place and it's still coming down.

This winter has been one storm after another. You'll hear a lot of people around here complaining about the snow but I'm not one of them. I used to love the snow purely and for no other reason than the great powder skiing opportunities it provided. That seems like a lifetime ago. Now I love the snow because:

(1) It's pretty (beats looking at the brown soggy lawn all winter);
(2) A big storm adds some excitement to an otherwise blah winter day
(3) I rarely HAVE to drive in it (no more long, scarry commutes from Syracuse to downtown or the U);
(4) Giant snowmen all over the neighborhood
(5) I love how the snow flocks the branches of the trees right after it falls.
(6) The sound of the snowplow coming through the neighborhood (one of Gavin's favorites, too)
(7) This will seem weird, but I love it when the car slides just a little.

That last one reminds me of when I was a teenager and I was with my parents and sisters when we slid off the freeway into a gully between the northbound and southbound lanes of I-15. Now that was a little TOO MUCH sliding. I do remember us laghing about it though while we were sitting in the gully waiting for help. (Or maybe it was everyone but mom laughing).

1 Month

Today Mia is one month old! She's getting very close to flashing us a smile. We've noticed that she watches our lips when we talk to her and a few times she's taken on a very serious look and tried to move her own lips into a smile. She hasn't quite got there yet but it's likely to happen any day.

I still remember the first time Tristan smiled. I was on maternity leave from my job and I'd spent many days and nights caring for him and getting used to the rigors of motherhood. The day he first smiled at me I knew it was all worth it.

My Failed Photo Shoot

We were all home today and the sun (kinda) peeked through the clouds, so it was a perfect day for a photo shoot. I've been trying to get to this all week as I'm excited to get started on Mia's birth announcements.

After doing a few of these in the past, I've discovered that the fundamental ingredients in a successful newborn photo shoot are:

(1) Someone to help me so that the baby is positioned correctly and doesn't roll off the couch. And not just ANYONE will do. This is a highly specialized job. This person needs to be patient and needs to understand my need for perfection. They also need to be willing to sit under a heavy fleece blanket in the sun for a rather long time.
(2) Patience
(3) A south-facing window
(4) A sunny day
(5) A cooperative baby

Well, all of the ingredients were present today... except for #5! I guess we'll try again in a few days.

Is it ok to Spoil a Baby?

At three weeks of age, Mia is already spoiled. She's definitely figured out when she's being held or carried around, and when she's lying down in her crib. It's pretty common for her to wake up and start crying when she's laid down.

I wonder how this could have POSSIBLY happened!

Christmas 2007

It seems a little anti-climatic to write about Christmas at this point but I've been promising myself for weeks that I would do so...

We had a fabulous Christmas. We spent Christmas Eve at my mom's for our traditional raclette dinner. We got a huge snow storm that started in the afternoon and continued through Christmas morning, so it really felt like Christmas. My stepmom, Joy, was here from Phoenix and Lisa was with us, too. We had a wonderful dinner, read some Christmas stories and played Taboo. It was the kids' first experience with Taboo and I was surprised at how well they played. Since then Tristan has asked if we could play again sometime.

We were up EARLY Christmas morning and enjoyed watching the kids open their gifts. The highlight was Tristan and Jolie's excitement at finally getting a video game system, the ever-coveted Wii. Tristan has been asking Santa for a Game Cube or other system for two or three years and he was absolutely convinced that he was the most unlucky kid in the world because he didn't have access to video games 24/7. It turns out that one of his favorite games on the Wii is NBA Live 2008 with which he can play any NBA team against the Jazz (see photo).

We enjoyed the rest of day with my parents, aunt Lisa and Grandma Joy. We ate great food, opened more gifts, spoke to far-away friends and family on the telephone, and enjoyed each other's company. It was a great day!

Just when I needed Diet Coke more than ever...

Wow, so much to blog... so little time!

This is a very *rare* moment for me to sit down and try to catch up. The baby is sleeping, Gavin was invited to play at a friend's house, and I have a whole 30 minutes before the other two rug rats will be charging in the door like a couple of bulls in a china shop.

I took this photo this morning and now that I think about it, this baby looks exactly like Dan! It's not nearly as obvious when you see her in real life. Honestly, I think it's the expression on her face. Something about that serious, pensive look. Hmmm...

Things are going pretty well. Dan went back to work on Monday, that was a hard day as all the kids were home and I hadn't slept much. I had my first post-baby emotional outburst (as opposed to all the pre-baby end-of-pregnancy emotional outbursts) as I was sitting upstairs in the rocking chair nursing Mia and Dan was going out the door. If I remember correctly, the other three kids were running wild and arguing over something and I realized it was going to be a hard day. I was also supposed to take Mia into the doctor for a weight check. She still hasn't regained her birth weight so our pediatrician wants to keep an eye on her. I guess I was feeling a little overwhelmed.

The other thing I should mention is that Mia now seems to be going by Mia. Sometimes we call her Camille, sometimes Mia and most of the time "the baby". We like both of her names so I guess we'll see what sticks. Oh, and Grandpa D. keeps calling her "Shirley" because "she was early". But don't get me started on that...

Mia is sleeping pretty well other than waking up to eat every 2 hours or so. Two or three nights ago (can you tell that I'm living in a fog?) we went to bed about 10:30 or 11:00, she ate a couple times and then she and I were up at 2:00 am and I never went back to sleep. That was a rough night. I've decided that I must have eaten something that upset her and she was wanting to nurse to ease her discomfort. She was crying and kicking her legs like she was in pain. As soon as I got her settled down she'd be awake crying again. That's when I decided to kick my Diet Coke habit. And let me tell you, it hasn't been easy. There's probably no time in my life that I needed caffeine more than now and I've had to give it up. I guess it will be worth it if we can avoid any more nights like the one I've just recounted. I guess.

I'm going to try to upload some photos of Christmas today... stay tuned.

Camille

I was lucky enough to catch Camille with her eyes open a few minutes ago. Isn't she pretty? She has a bit of a rash on her chin which I think is either from nursing or rubbing against her blanket when she's rooting. She has a very strong sucking reflex.

She's Here!

Let me introduce you to Mia Camille (Camille), born December 17th at 3:55 p.m.

For those interested in the birth story, read on. For those who are not, she's beautiful and healthy and we're so glad she's here.

So they started me on the pitocin just after 9:30 a.m. Things were progressing pretty slowly for the first several hours. At one point my nurse, Becky (the most phenomenal labor and delivery nurse on the planet!), thought she probably wouldn't see our baby before her shift change at 7:00 p.m.

The anesthesiologist did my epidural around 2:00 and things seemed to pick up after that. Unfortunatly, it only worked on my right side. They had me shift over to my left side in hopes that gravity would help. The anesthesiologist also came in and adjusted the catheter but that didn't help either. So, unfortunately, I can't say that my delivery was pain-free, but that probably wasn't a realistic expectation anyway. The epidural was very helpful, even on one side. I would estimate the pain of childbirth as one tenth what it was with my other deliveries (especially 10 lb Jolie!) so I don't have much to complain about.

About 17 minutes before Camille was born she made a sudden move. My nurse lost her heartbeat and had to move the monitor down on my belly. Just minutes after that, I could feel a lot of pressure and I knew she was almost here. My nurse ran to the hall and yelled for them to page my doctor. He came in dressed in his street clothes and asked if I could wait for him to change into his scrubs. Another benefit of the epidural! There is no way I would have waited for him if I'd not had the epidural. I only had to push through three contractions and she was here! Yea!

Dan and my mom were both in the delivery room througout the day. I think we all agreed that despite all the worry and angst leading up to my delivery, it was the easiest of all four. There were no problems with my heart and I was SO well taken care of at the U, it was unbelievable. My nurse was with me from 9:30 until 5:30 and hardly left my room through the whole thing. With Jolie and Gavin I was literally begging for someone to come in and check me as my labor progressed and I had the feeling that I'd been abandoned.

So here are the stats: 7 lb 12 oz.; 20 1/4" long; a bit of darkish hair and cloudy blue eyes. She is a very pretty baby and so far her favorite past times are eating, sleeping and pooping. I'm not sure whom she looks like, some say Gavin. From the nose down she definitely looks like Dan. All my babies have had Dan's lips and chin when they were born. Ofcourse there's always hope that her looks will change!

Tomorrow's the Day!

Just a quick post before I go to bed and hopefully get some sleep. Tomorrow's the big day. We'll be headed to the hospital in the morning right after we get Tristan and Jolie off to school. I've spent the weekend getting all our ducks in a row: working on school projects, typing up schedules and routines for those who will be here while I'm in the hospital, doing laundry, depositing money in the kids' lunch accounts, paying bills, organizing, picking up he house... and I finally just now packed a few things for the hospital.

I'm both anxious and excited. Truthfully, I'm a lot more anxious than anything right now. There's something about having done this before that makes me that way (i.e. I know what I'm in for...) Plus I have more to worry about this time. I'm being followed as high risk and I'll be wired up like a Christmas tree (EKGs and heart monitors). I'm also going to have an epidural. I should be looking forward to experiencing less pain than the last three times but somehow the epidural really has me scared. I hope that I know when the time is right, that I can get through the procedure without passing out, and that it will offer the sea of tranquility that it's supposed to. Everyone tells me that it's no big deal; I wish I could believe them.

On the bright side, we should have a sweet little baby girl sometime tomorrow afternoon! Can't wait for that!

Rambling thoughts from someone who laid awake all night

I spent the day wrapping gifts and doing the last of my Christmas preparations. My mom, who I'm sure has sensed my stress and anxiety over the last couple of days, offered to take Gavin so that I could get some of this done. I even sloughed off a PTA meeting at Jolie's school in order to make the most of my time (I hope they forgive me).

I've been feeling a bit... overwhelmed... trying to handle the already insane Christmas season as well as getting ready to have a baby on Monday. The toughest part is that daily life occupies at least 90% of my time. How can a person do anything "extra" when their life is consumed with working, entertaining an insecure three year old, cooking, cleaning, answering phone calls, mountains of laundry, hosting three-year-old playgroup, volunteering in the classroom, driving carpool, making playdough figures for 3rd grade diaramas, checking division problems, listening to Jolie read Junie B. Jones, making cookies for the neighbor's funeral, preparing for Friday's den meeting, refereeing sword fights between someone wanting to fight and someone trying to do math homework, and sweeping up spilled cereal?

And yes, next week we add a newborn to the mix...

But at least tonight there's a chance I might actually get some sleep because I know that my Christmas gifts are wrapped and ready to go. We'll worry about the rest next week.

Baby C.

OK, apparently the sarcasm of my last post (baby names) didn't come through to some. It's a joke, people! There's no way I'd give a kid any of those awful names. (No offense to anyone named Jesusa). I just thought I'd lighten things up a bit given that the poor child has to be born within a few days of Christmas.

I have an update about baby C: You may have noticed that 7 days have magically slipped off my countdown. D-day is now December 17th. I saw Dr. E. yesterday and my exam revealed that I've made some progress since my last visit. I wasn't surprised as I spent part of Sunday night/Monday morning wondering if I might soon be on my way to the hospital. I had some pretty hard contractions that woke me up. Dan was already at work and I realized it might be a good idea to have a plan in place just in case I actually go into labor on my own this time. Most intelligent people would already have a plan, but remember that twice I've been induced past my due date. Once you've been down that road you put the other alternative out of your mind (you have to or you'd go crazy).

So the long and the short is this: I'm scheduled for an induction at 7:30 am on December 17th if nothing happens earlier. Dr. E. is willing to wait but I'm terribly concerned that things might happen on their own just in time for me to spend Christmas morning in the hospital. I didn't truly realize what a bummer this would be until last week when we started putting up Christmas decorations. Suddenly I was overcome with sadness at the thought of missing the kids on Christmas morning. Parents spend the whole year toiling away, disciplining their children and saying "no" sixty times a day; Christmas morning is one rare moment when we can sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labors. We get to witness their joy and happiness, thier wonder and excitement, all the while knowing that WE helped make it happen... and who wants to miss that?

Please vote for your favorite baby name!

As you can see by the countdown at the right as well as the photo of my belly which is now resembling a bowling ball, the big day is quickly approaching. It seems there are two big questions on everyone's mind:

1. When is this baby is going to make her appearance?
2. What are we going to name her?

Since I have no control over question number one (much to my chagrin), I thought I would shed some light on question number two. Dan and I have had many discussions about appropriate names for our baby. Here are our favorites:

Holly
Noel
Jesusa (pronounced hey-su-sa)
and my personal favorite, Carolyn... because that's what you do on Christmas, you go a-Carolyn!

Please vote for your favorite in the comment section of this blog. I'll be checking back here daily until I either pop or my doctor finally decides to give me the needle.

Let's Go Bowling!

We celebrated Tristan's birthday on Friday. We've learned over the years that the week of Christmas is no time to celebrate a kid's birthday. I'll never forget the year he turned three and I was so excited to have a party with his friends. Not a single solitary child could come. We ended up going to McDonalds with Grandpa and Grandma and Aunt Lisa.

Due to the season and the nature of 8 year old boys, we decided to have our party somewhere other than my house. I learned that lesson at Tristan's 6 year old Army party in which chaos, mayhem and destruction ensued.

The bowling party was a hit. We had 11 kids, including Gavin and Jolie. The boys were able to be their loud, wild, crazy selves and it was fun. We bowled, ate these cupcakes that I saw in a fancy cookbook at Sur la Table, and opened presents. We gave prizes to the kids who ended up with the highest and lowest scores. Gavin, by the way, bowled two strikes. Thank goodness for gutter guards!

Oh and thank goodness for Grandma, Dan and Aunt Lisa who helped me with the party. I don't think it would have been quite the success without them.